Most Christian parents I know deeply desire that their children grow up knowing and trusting Jesus. I haven’t met any who would disagree that reading the Bible with their kids is a good idea, and yet I talk to many parents who feel like they are struggling in this area. Perhaps we don’t know where to start? Perhaps we’ve tried and it has frequently ended in tears, tantrums, curly questions, or a lack of engagement? Perhaps our lives and heads are so full of work, sport, hobbies and stuff that we’ve let discipling our children slip off the agenda?
Family Discipleship by Matt Chandler and Adam Griffin aims to help you create an achievable, sustainable plan for how to spiritually lead your family. It’s warm, encouraging and full of practical examples and ideas. It helpfully covers family leadership in four categories: Modeling, Time, Moments and Milestones.
Modelling
Modelling is pretty challenging on a personal level. Chandler and Griffin remind us that “for you to lead in the development of spiritual growth in your family, you must personally be spiritually growing yourself”. They point out that children learn from how they see us live in both the good and the ugly parts of our lives. And so, as we live out our walk with God, we need to be investing in spiritual disciplines like prayer and Bible reading, opening our homes and lives to others, seeking to share the gospel, and in particular, demonstrating repentance. They remind us: “Teach your kids that everyone desperately needs forgiveness, including you” as you allow them to join you in “experienc[ing] forgiveness and grace for your sin”.
Time
Time is the regular gathering of your family around the Bible, in prayer, in praise, and in serving God together. It’s the things you put in your schedule every day, week or month. Chandler and Griffin include going to church, and being invested in the church community in this intentionally planned time. They argue that this gospel time is something that must be moved to the top of the priority list, and they provide a long list of ideas of what it could look like. In our family, we added a Monday night all-in Bible time, called “Icecream and Jesus” (and, yes, we do get to eat ice cream too!).
Moments
Moments are all about being prepared to take advantage of “myriad opportunities throughout your everyday life that you can use to communicate the goodness of God and what it means to follow him”. Whilst these conversations may be small, simple and spontaneous, they require us to be relationally available and attentive to the opportunities. The chapter ends with a list of foundational truths, characteristics of God, attributes of godly character and Bible verses that can be applied to various everyday life situations. I’ve definitely started trying to leverage more everyday moments for a gospel conversation, but this is somewhere I could really grow, and I look forward to returning to this chapter for more ideas.
Milestones
Milestones are all about making occasions to celebrate spiritual milestones, and adding spiritual significance to regular celebrations. This concept didn’t immediately resonate with me, probably because my personal preference in celebrating is usually keeping things low-key. However, as I read the chapter I actually became convinced of how simple it is to give spiritual significance to things we are already celebrating. Things like giving a Bible verse in the cards we write, stopping together to thank God for the spiritual growth of each family member on their birthday, marking a baptism anniversary, or teaching your kids about marriage as you celebrate your wedding anniversary. The book has an extensive list of suggestions.
Just as an aside, perhaps you are like me and can be tempted to make children and family into the most important thing in your life, taking the place of God. Perhaps this idolatry is even harder to see in ourselves when what we are throwing our energy into is the spiritual growth of our family. It could be easy to read this book, especially in a season of lockdown, and only apply it in the context of your home and your nuclear family, but I don’t think this is at all the intention of the authors. Chandler and Griffin encourage parents to take the responsibility of raising kids who love Jesus seriously, but expect that we will do this alongside a spiritual family, the church. They remind us “Your first love is Jesus”, and to “remember you are making disciples whose gifts are to serve the Lord, not arranging a family to centre on your kids”.
One thing I really loved about this book is that it does not over-promise. Chandler and Griffin are clear that they are not suggesting that by doing these things you will ensure your children are saved. But instead, they push our eyes back to God and remind us that our children’s salvation “does not, therefore, depend on human desire or effort, but on God’s mercy” (Rom 9:16). It was encouragingly realistic and yet, positive. “No one is pretending the job ahead will be effortless, but do not assume it cannot be fun and life-giving too.”
Before I picked up this book, whilst we were regularly reading the Bible and praying with our kids, I think I was hoping that their growth would happen organically through being part of a Christian family. As I read, I wasn’t overcome with guilt about the things we weren’t doing, but I was encouraged and empowered to see and grab extra opportunities to invest in our kid’s spiritual growth. I would recommend this book to anyone who has biological or spiritual children, whether you are single or married. It will likely have the most practical application to those with children currently living in their households, but still be really helpful to expectant parents, those with adult children and even grandparents.
