Hi there and welcome to another episode of the Small Group Toolbox. And we're in a series that's about some discussion challenges. Some of the things that are difficult with leading small group discussions. Last time we looked at the quiet member and this time we're going to look at kind of the opposite to that, the Talkative member. Now I think it's actually great to have talkative members in your group.
They bring energy when people are talking, it feels positive, it feels good. Most leaders I know feel more stressed about a quiet group compared to a talkative group, but you can get talkative members that, well, let's say it's a challenge. So if you have a particularly talkative member, it can be difficult for other people to get a word in, to speak, to contribute. It feels like they dominate the conversation.
And it's possible as you have a talkative group member that there's actually some room for growth there. Maybe they need to learn how to think a little bit before speaking, or maybe they need to learn how the rest of the group might contribute, how to encourage quieter people. There can be some growth there for the talkative person. So just wanted to do a little bit on leading a group with a talkative person.
Now, what does the Bible say? Well, I think that, I mean, the Bible is very positive about speech, also has a few words of warning about too much of it. So Proverbs 10, I'll just read verses 19, 20, 21, there's three little proverbs in a row there on speech. Proverbs 10:19 says, “sin is not ended by multiplying words, but the prudent hold their tongues. The tongue of the righteous is choice silver, but the heart of the wicked is of little value. The lips of the righteous nourish many, but fools die for lack of sense”. So great couple of three proverbs there. And it shows that multiplying words that can sometimes be a problem seen expands. But I think there's more here on the positives of speech, how the tongue of the righteous is choice silver or the lips of righteous nourish many. So what we want really in our groups is not a multiplication of words that is kind of leading to sin or the expression of sin, but we want lots of people contributing these choice words, the ellipse of the righteous, nourishing each other. And I think you see that in the New Testament as well, like in Colossians 3, where it talks about the word of God dwelling in you richly. So richness in client sounds like there's a lot of it. So a lot of speech, a of great words of the gospel.
So I think, yeah, speech, talking of group members, nothing precisely on it in the Bible. But there's plenty of guidance there about why speech, self-control in speech speaking well. And so that's kind of what we want for our group and for our members. So let me just give a few quick ideas on how you can lead a group with a talkative member. So first of all, again, you kind of chat with checking your heart. You want to give thanks for this person and you want to be encouraging to them. You want to say to them, thanks for that contribution, it's great having you in the group, I love the energy you bring, I love the wayyou speak into the conversations. So be positive. That's always important in leadership. But then what strategies can you do? I think there's a few strategies here that are similar for say like the quiet member. So just as we, for the quiet member, we encourage them to speak by going around the room. That was one of the strategies. You can do the same thing if you have a talkative person. So go around the room.
That compels the talkative person to stay quiet and listen to each answer as you go through. That can be helpful. Similarly, direct questions to people, to the quieter people or the people who aren't talking as much, and encourage them to speak. that, again, automatically requires the talkative person to pause, stop, listen. So you've got to just get out of the habit of every time asking a question and tossing it out there. That will always get picked up by the talkative person. And so vary that by going around the room or asking individuals for their answer. Now, as you are in the midst of discussion and you're sensing that the talkative person has probably had a reasonable contribution to the group, one thing you can do is be firm in your leadership. You can be firm in directing the group's attention to someone's contribution to say, wait, wait, I'd like to hear from person A over here. But to lift that a little bit, another strategy you can do is just learn how to interrupt the talkative person.
Now, for some people, they're very naturally comfortable with that. That's fine. They're happy to interrupt. But depending on who you are, your background, your way of interacting, you might find that quite uncomfortable to interact. It might feel unusual for you. But you can do learn how to do this. Talkative person people, they usually don't mind being interrupted. So what you can do is say things like, wait, I might just stop you there for a moment.
Or you might say, okay, just hold on, I'm gonna pause your answer there, and then I'd like to hear what the rest of the group thinks. Or just hold that thought for a moment. I could tell that someone else had written something down for this answer. Let's hear from them. So it's just a general interruption. It's polite.
You're probably looking for like when they take a breath or something. Some people pause naturally, but other people, you really just have to interrupt. They're on a roll. They're taking a breath. That's when you jump in. But learn how to interrupt. It's not unloving. You're not being rude. And in fact, you're probably actually helping them.
So this takes on to my fourth point, thereabouts of leading groups with talkative people. And that is to have a, some private conversation and coaching with that talkative person. So as you have the opportunity, maybe just after group or, you know, just say, Hey, can I catch you for a few minutes before people leave? You can say to them, look, I love the way you talk and contribute in this group. It's great. I'd love to, I'd love your help in leading this group. Well, I'd love your help in making sure that everybody contributes in this group. How can we get the more quieter people contributing? So bring them on as a helper with you. And what you can say is, look, I love your contributions. How about you, you, you, you speak a little bit less, how it would be if you spoke a little bit less in the group so we could hear from others. And they might say, sure, love to do that.
Well, they might say, oh, sure, I just naturally, I speak a lot. That's who I am. You say, no, that's great. I don't want to change that. That's awesome. But here's a few strategies. And this is where I might suggest some strategies about for them. So one thing they can do is just try counting to 10 slowly before answering. So the question goes out there.
Invite them to just count to 10 in your head quietly before answering and see what happens. And they'll go, wow, okay, that's gonna be really hard, but I think I can do it. And you'll lead a study and you can see them mentally counting out before they answer. that's great. You encourage them with that. So that's one thing they can do. Another thing you can try is if they really are in Pulsar Talk, you can say, well, let's say what's a good level of contribution for an average study? How about you be the first to answer on three occasions?
Let me give you either physically or metaphorically three tickets, three tokens, and in your mind or head as you're sitting there and you're, this is speaking to the person, every time you answer a question first, you've used up one of your tokens, you've used up one of your tickets. And so think carefully about when you want to use them. And once they're gone, they're gone. And that kind of turns it into a bit of a game, something to try for a while. They might appreciate that.
And one last thing on this, as you have a private discussion is some, some talkative people I've known actually really need you to interrupt. They need you to help them with this because they know that they'll just talk and if nobody stops them, they will just roll and roll and keep on talking. And they don't really have an off ramp on this, or once they're on roll. And so they appreciate it when you say to them, all right, thank you. We've really loved your answer. Let's hear from someone else. Or can I just, you know, can we finish up there? They appreciate it. And it just helps them. So don't feel bad at all. And you may be able to have that kind of conversation. say, look, I'll, yeah. If it's all right, I might at times interrupt you. It's not because I don't value your contributions or anything like that, but the safe route, I will do that.
And the talkative person might say, yes, please do it. I understand. No hard feelings. Appreciate that. And there you have, you have a partnership going on with this person and they will learn, they will grow. They will, yeah, they will continue to be a great contributor and speaker in the group. But over time they will become more and more of a team member with you, a partner with you, and their talkativeness will encourage others to talk and it'll go well. So have a go at that.
That's my wisdom, my ideas for leading a group with a talkative person. You might have more ideas, let me know. I'd love to hear from you, anything like that. You've tried, that's been helpful. But we'll leave it there. Hope your group goes really well this week if you are leading and you have some great contributions from people and the talkative people in your group contribute, create space also for others. I'll see you next time.