All right, we're back into another episode of Small Group Toolbox. And this week we are starting a new series on discussion leading challenges. That's right. I know that one of the challenging things, the hard things about leading a small group is leading the discussion. You've got a group of people, a mix of personalities and characteristics, and you're supposed to lead them. And that can be hard. You get a real mix of people. Some people talk a lot, some not so much. Some say helpful things, some say not so helpful things. One of the classics on this topic is actually from Cole Marshall's book, Growth Groups. I got the old version here, in chapter seven called the games people play and he's got a whole heap of constructive roles in groups that are great and also a heap of destructive roles in a group which may be a bit of an overstatement but it's quite memorable as a chapter and he's got some categories such as the onlooker, the monopoliser, a sidetracker, the clown, the expert, the fighter and the chatterer. Seven unhelpful categories. And that's a really helpful chapter in this book if you've got it at home. But I think just what I want to do is run through some of the common ones and give you some tips and strategies on how to lead discussion if you've got people like this in your group.
And so today we're starting with the quiet member. Now, this is really common as I have this conversation with group leaders I ask how's group going and it's common for people to say it's a bit tricky, the group is pretty quiet, we have a few quiet members. Why is that hard? Well, it just means that the discussion doesn't seem to flow or you don't know what's going on in their mind or whether they're enjoying it or not. It's just the elitist senses that the group of health is not as good as it could be because we have a quiet member. Sometimes the study takes a long time to get through because without saying things or, you know, all kinds of reasons. So it is worth digging into this one of how do we help lead a discussion group, a viral study with a quiet member.
And so I think what it needs from us is love and patience is a big starting point. We need to keep, as always, in group leading, we need to examine our hearts, love and patience. And a verse that comes to mind as I think about this topic is 1 Thessalonians 5. Verse 14, says, “we urge you brothers and sisters, warn those who are idle and disruptive, encourage the disheartened, help the weak, be patient with everyone”. That just shows that in Christian life and ministry, there's gonna be a range of personalities, a range of people that we're dealing with, that we're interacting with, that we're leading. And some of those are gonna be weak or disheartened, perhaps that's a reason why they're quiet. There might be other reasons as well, but the point is, no matter what's going on in their heart, in where they're at as a person, that we need to care for them in the loving way appropriate to them. Encouragement here, being helpful and being patient. No point getting irritable or frustrated with people. So that's going to be where our heart is at as we seek to love and help people who are quiet in our groups.
And this really is pursuing, I think, to encourage them in this. If we can help quiet people speak more, they will make genuine contributions. Often quiet people, when they do speak, what they say is actually really helpful. So that will help. And also as they speak up more in the group that will reinforce their own learning. We often learn more, retain more when we actually talk about it or speak about things. So it's good for them. It's also I think will grow their confidence as well as they learn to say things and that gets well received. They'll grow in confidence and it just helps the group as well. So a group where more people are talking more often is going to have more energy, make more progress in the discussion, be more interesting and
So yeah, lots of positives there. All right, so let's get into it. What are some strategies for leading a discussion where you have a quiet member? And first one is to just be patient and observe and wait. All right, you don't need to jump in super soon on this situation. You've picked up as a quiet member in your group. Don't panic. You just give it a few weeks. Give it some time just to see what's going on. Is this a pattern? Is this gonna be a thing or is it just a couple of weeks? Have a think what's going on for them? Why are they quiet? Is there any factors? Speak with your co-leader. What have they noticed? And actually your co-leader even be able to point out things that you haven't noticed that you have a quiet member. Some people, if you're not strong on sort of group awareness kind of stuff, you might not have realized that someone in your group hasn't said anything the whole night or only said one thing. So this is a great time to ask your co-leader to get feedback. And if you're a co-leader, you're noticing something he's probably worth raising with the person who leads the discussion. Have you noticed this person isn't speaking? So help each other out here. But that's the first one. Just be patient, observe, wait, don't jump in too soon.
Second strategy for the quiet member is to invite them or the whole group to do some early preparation. Sometimes the reason people are quiet is that they don't, they take time to think through their ideas and what they want to say and how they want to answer the question. And so when the pace is like, all right, there's the question, what's the answer? Where's the, that's a bit fast. So what you could do is give them time to read the passage, maybe even look at the study questions beforehand, prepare them, write them down even, give them time so that as they're coming to group, they've had some thinking time, they've got some answers and they feel more confident to actually share them. So that's the second tip, invite early preparation.
Third thing, bit connected to that, but in your study time, give people time to write down their answer. So not necessarily for every question, but for some questions, say, here's the question, I want you to have a think about this and write down your answer. Now that will feel uncomfortable because most group leaders are uncomfortable with silence, but actually a lot of group members will just really appreciate that. If you take a survey in your group, who's a thinker, who's more of a talker, who likes time to think things through themselves, you'll find that a large, a reasonable proportion of your group actually like time to think things through and write things down. And so give that a few go a few times. Give them one of the questions, let them write it down. And then related to that, I'll probably sort of give two or three minutes for that. And then I'll give them little warning. I'll say, yeah, another 30 seconds for writing your answer. And then so I'll give it instructions on that.
So that's the third one, give people time. And the fourth one's connected to that. And that is actually to go around the group to get answers from people. And that works really well with that strategy if they've had time to write things down. Go around clockwise, anti-clockwise, doesn't matter, and get people to share their answer. Now that takes a little bit of time. It works better in a smaller group rather than a really large group. But maybe in a large group, could still do that with half the group for one question, half the group for the other. But that is actually, you're taking the time, we genuinely wanna hear what people have said and you've lovingly given people time to think about it, so you're not really putting them on the spot. But yeah, go around the group and ask, get a contribution from each person. And as you do that especially with the quiet people, give them praise and encouragement for their answer. Be really positive on what they've said. That's great. So you're really good to hear what you've said there. And there you have someone. Yeah, they will nearly always be fine to give some sort of answer. You just got to encourage them in that. So go around the group.
All right, fifth strategy for a quiet person is for some of your questions to discuss the answer in groups of two or three. I normally say two or three because sometimes people are sitting on a sofa or we have an odd number of people in our group, it's not strict to two or three and discuss the question. And that means the quiet person who may not be feel confident to speak up in a large group will feel a bit more comfortable speaking in a group of two or three about their thoughts on the question. And then as you collect answers from people, they may or may not speak up on behalf of their group of two or three. But at least they've had that chance of talking in their small group. And the spokesman for that two or three may even encourage them and say we so and so had a great idea that I wanted to share with you as well, which can be encouraging for them. So yeah, discussing groups of two or three.
Six isn’t unrelated to those other ones, it just some point in the study ask to select people by name to answer the question. This takes a bit more courage, but you just say, here's question one. And you just go, Mike, what do you think about that? Now that is, yeah, it's worth having a go at it's good, especially if your group's been going for a while and you kind of know people. And you know that people are reasonably comfortable and they've, they've got enough, they probably do have an answer in their head, but they just don't feel like speaking. Just ask them. You can often do this with easier questions. So maybe a launching question, which is just like, what's your favourite colour? That's an easy question to answer. Where do you go? What do you like to eat? That's an easy question. You can put people on the spot for that. And also just basic observation questions. That's a good one to put people on the spot for. So who is the author? Who is writing this letter? Joe, what do you think?
That's just, it's an easy one for them to answer. You generally try and avoid putting people on the spot when you say, you know, the more interpretive, challenging, tricky questions or summary questions, you know, like, why is justification by faith so important? How does Paul's mission to the Gentiles connect to his mission to the Jews? You don't ask those questions, but observation ones ask those. And then, yeah, you move on. Maybe, you know, you can ask those tricky ones down the track when your group is really tight, but for now, just start by asking some by name, some of your people to answer these quiet people to answer some of those questions.
And then strategy seven is actually to discuss with the person outside of the group time in a one-to-one context about their contributions to the group. So just ask how they're finding group. Do they any nerves or fears? Are they worried about speaking up? But also to encourage them that when they do speak up, it's really good and you really love hearing from them and you can say, I'd love you to speak more. I'd love you to contribute more. If you're into some fun, you could even say, look, I want you to contribute three times next week to the study. Only speak up three times.
Every time you speak up, tick it off. And when you get to three, you've met your goal, well done. And you make it into a bit of a game and they can have a go at that. But that's really good. And the eighth strategy then is to, to the quiet person, is actually to kind of shut down the loud people. Now, maybe I could put that better, but you will have people who speak a lot and I'll do another podcast on them. But if you get a sense that your quiet person's about to say something and then your loud person speaks up. Don't be worried about just shutting down that loud person and say, wait, wait, wait, wait, I want to hear from Bill over here.
Bill, you look like you're about to say something. What were you going to say? Can you share that with us? So it's just, it's gentle, but you're shutting down the loud people. So to give space to the quiet people to speak in your group and the loud people that we find with that, don't worry about it. So anyway, there's eight strategies for leading discussion with a quiet person in your group or multiple quiet people in your group. Give that a go, see how it works. I'd love to hear your feedback. If you've got any other ideas on how to encourage quiet people to speak, I'd love to hear those aswell.
But I'll see you next time as we do more on leading the discussion.